I Will Live Diligently Until The End

That is all.

I Don't Have Time To Have A Nervous Breakdown!

You Have To Participate In Life. My Job and Ministry is making people laugh, even when I'm crying. I have been backstage fighting back tears, then had to walk out and make others laugh. There are times when I want to stay in bed & pull the covers over my head for a week. No, make that two weeks! But what sobers me is this, I once received an email saying how laughing with one of Comedian Hattie Mae's videos helped a someone through one of the lowest days of their life. Just Wow! What if I had been in bed, depressed, eating bryer's butter pecan ice cream with the covers over my head that day? That person, that soul was my assignment for that day. It was God that brought her through, but He used the medicine of a merry heart as a vehicle to usher her out! So, I realized that I really don't have time to have a nervous breakdown. I don't have time to be depressed. There is too much work left to do! There are too many highways that haven't been walked, and too many hedges that hasn't been pruned. Simply, there's just too much fruit left on the tree, that if left unpicked, with spoil, fall to the ground and die. There's no use in me lying in bed for a week because those issues will still be there waiting on me when I do decide to get up. Therefore, I Choose Life! I Choose To Participate In Life! Somebody should be giving God a Praise right about now! Never mind I'll do it!  (Thanks for listening..TK aka Hattie Mae Jankins) Laugh & Live! http://www.youtube.com/tkjordanproduction

He Don't Love You Like You Want Because He Can't Give You What He Don't Have

Want more? Sure you do! Check us out at: http://unhappilymarriedblog.blogspot.com/ Also, since laughter is like medicine, laugh & live with Comedian Hattie Mae Jankins at http://www.youtube.com/tkjordanproduction

At This Point It Would Take A Restraining Order Signed By Jesus To Keep Her Out Of His Face!

If looks could kill they could skip the funeral and lay Eric to rest right now. As far as Ronnie was concerned, he could rest in hell anything but Peace! "What did you just say to me?" Ronnie asked in a barely controlled scream. Eric looked nervously around the room as if the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost would step in and Save him all over again. Not that he couldn't use a second dose. He knew his wife was uncontrollable when she was angry, and he'd given her every right to be both out of control and pissed angry! "Let me get this straight Eric!" Ronnie had stepped so close to her Husband that he could feel the heat permeating from her like the hot sun on a freshly tarred road in August. At this point it would take a restraining order signed by Jesus to keep her out of his face! "So, you're telling me you'd rather see me happy with someone else than unhappy with you right?" Eric cleared his throat, trying in vain to put some base in his test-a-lying voice. "Yes that's right. I felt Led to tell you that now." Ronnie rolled her eyes towards the good Lord's heaven and forged ahead. "Led!? Oh we on Church speak now? Alright, so which one on your Spirits "Led" you? Did you not feel "Led" to tell me this BEFORE we got married? You didn't feel "Led" not to be a serial cheater and professional liar?" With no interest in hearing another round of her husbands less than creative lies answers, Ronnie lifted her chin, flipped her 18-inch Indian Remy hair over her shoulders, turned on her 6 inch stilettos and Naomi Campbell walked out the door. TK Jordan - Author/Playwright http://unhappilymarriedblog.blogspot.com/

Does Forgiving You Mean I Have to Let You Hurt Me Again?

Two weeks had passed before I heard from Eric.  My Husband. Yes, I said two weeks!  The phone rang as I was going about my Saturday morning house cleaning.  Welcoming the break I placed the mop in the corner of the kitchen and hurriedly snatched the phone from the receiver.
“Hey Baby.”  Eric said in his sweetest, most seductive voice.  Blood rushed to my head so fast I thought I would stroke out.  I closed my eyes and slowly backed to the couch, looking for support as my heart immediately started to race.            
 “What do you want Eric?  I said in a voice betraying my true emotions.  I tried to sound strong and confident, although I was already fighting back the tears.  As if someone had just erected a movie screen in front of me, I closed my eyes and watched a replay of all of the pain and anguish that I had endured over the past two weeks at the cold hearted hands of my husband.                                       
“Hey Baby.”  He said again.                                  
“I heard you the first time Eric! I snapped.  “What do you want?”  My voice is at a not so well controlled scream by now.                          
“Ronnie, please don’t be upset.”  I almost laughed out loud.  Upset.  Is he kidding?  This man must be on crack!
“Ronnie” He continued.  “I just needed some time to get myself together.  I’ve really been going through some things and I just had to get away to clear my head.  I love you so much.  You know that don’t you?”  He asked.  At this point I fought back the urge to say to him how love should have brought him home last night, but I felt that was a little too dramatic, not to mentioned borrowed from the movie Boomerang.
“Ronnie, please forgive me, please talk to me.  I need you!”  He begged.
I couldn’t even answer him because then he would know that I was crying.
“Ronnie?”  Silence.  “OK baby, you don’t have to talk to me now, just listen.”                               

“No Eric, you listen!”  I screamed, totally losing it. “Forgive You!  You want me to forgive you Eric?”  Huh? I almost choke on laughter.                     
“Well tell me, what exactly does that mean?”  Does forgiving you mean that I should welcome you back into my life with open arms?
Does forgiving you mean I have to let you continue to hurt me over and over again?                                   
“Ronnie please.”  Eric interjected. 
“Shut up Eric, I’m talking now!” I was on a roll.
“Does forgiving you mean that I should act like nothing happened?  Does forgiving you mean that I have to trust you again?”
He didn’t even try to respond.  He couldn’t.  What could he say?
“Does forgiving you mean you won’t do this to me again?”  Now it’s his turn to offer silence.
“Does forgiving you mean this pain will stop?”  I lose it now and break down into tears.  I’m so tired of crying.                                                          
“Baby I never meant to hurt you.  I do love you and I want my family back.”  Eric is pleading now.
“Look baby, the Army is transferring me to Germany and when I get there and get set up I want you to come.”
I give him complete silence as I choke on my tears.  I’m crying harder now.  The silent tears have become a raging river.  I’m inconsolable at this point.  I think I might even faint.  Why am I still listening to him?
“Baby I promise you things will be different.  I’m a changed man now and this will be a new start for us, for our love, for our marriage.”  He pauses, hoping I will say something.  I can’t.  He continues.      
“Baby it’s o.k., you don’t have to give me an answer right now.  I’ll call you next week when I get to Germany.  Remember Ronnie, you are the love of my life and my wife, and the bible says that you are suppose to submit yourself to me, to your husband.”                                                              
Oh heck no!  Did he just try to quote a scripture?  This man has a lot of nerve!                         
 “I love you baby” was his final words, spoken in a whisper as soft as a lover's kiss.

I sat holding the phone long after Eric had hung up.  I cried.  I sobbed.  I cried again.  I cried because he had hurt me so bad, so deeply.  I cried because he had the nerve to call me weeks after walking out on me to remind me that he loved me and that I was his wife.  What?  I cried because I could not bring myself to say all of the mean, nasty things to him that I had rehearsed for whenever he did get up the nerve to call.  But
mainly I cried because I already knew that I would go to Germany with him.  I cried because I was a prisoner, a prisoner imprisoned without walls, without visible locked doors, without keys.  I was imprisoned by my low self-esteem, imprisoned by my fear of loneliness, imprisoned by my desire to be
loved.  The truth is, I was imprisoned by unrequited love for this man.  No matter how much I ached to be free, I WAS NOT
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Sometimes Hindsight Is Really Foresight Ignored

I'm so tired of this same fork in the road. It comes without the benefit of being beckoned. Like the five "I'm Closings" declared at the end of every fire-baptized preacher's sermon, it just is. Like the sunrise on a sweltering summer morning, it just is. Like rain drops falling as liquid tears, it just is. It's inevitable. The most remarkable thing about this fork in the road, this fork in my road, is that no matter how many times I come upon it, no matter that it is identical to my last fork in the road, no matter that I've had numerous stops at this very same junction, I always, always choose the same direction. The fact that I have chosen this direction countless times before with awesomely disastrous results has no bearing on my decision making process today. I would label it temporary insanity if not for the fact that the very definition of temporary means it lasts for only a limited period of time; meaning it's not permanent. So the only label i'm left with is to deem it as insanity, as extreme foolishness or irrationality that is detrimental to my Purpose. This will leave a mark. To analyze myself, to become transparent to my flaws, yes, this will leave a mark! TK Jordan - Author/Playwright