Where Do You Go When the Church Don't Want You?

Many Churches (definitely not the Majority) today have made it uncool to enter into their gates with Issues, "Real Issues."  Instead of us being REAL with the Drunk, Prostitute or Drug Dealer that stumbled in off the streets, and telling them that "Such was some of us" we shake our heads in Shame and often miss that brief window of opportunity to snatch that Soul from the enemy while they were in an environment that was conducive to their total Healing and Deliverance. 

I mean, we have these wonderful Outreach Ministries that look good on Paper but when it comes to actually walking those Ministries out (Luke 14:23) we continue to fortify our "In Reach" Ministries and close ourselves in behind the Sanctity of our Four-Walls Ministries.Who will stand in the Gap for the Untitled, Unchurched, Dreadlock Wearing, Pants Sagging, Skirt Rising, Foul Mouthed, Scantily Clad Souls?  Who will pray today for those Future Pastors, Deacons, Evangelists, Women's Ministry Leaders, Intercessors and Praise and Worship Leaders? Who will reach out to those who have truly been Cast Away?

TK Jordan - Author/Playwright
tkjordanproductions@gmail.com
http://wellwoman-getpastthepain.blogspot.com/

When Loving You Is Killing Me!

Please enjoy this Excerpt from
TK Jordan's Woman at the Well - Get Past The Pain E-book!

*Download Instructions Are Below*

“Girl you gotta pull yourself together!”  Tammy said as she snatched the cover off of me.  I had not gotten out of the bed since the night Eric left, which was seven days ago.  I had a nervous breakdown!  Well, I don’t know how nervous it was but trust me, I was BROKE DOWN!
“You need to get out of that bed!” She yelled again.  “Girl look at you, your hair is a mess, you ain’t brushed your teeth in a week and you look like you stank! She said shaking her head in disgust.  She’s always yelling, why she don’t just leave.  I thought to myself.  I snatched the cover back from Tammy and buried my head under the cover.  I began to cry.  Again, a deep cry, the kind that rattles your soul.
“I just can’t do this right now.”  I pleaded with my friend through sobs.  "Please go away!  I’m so hurt Tammy, I haven’t even heard from Eric.  How could he do this?  How could he just leave me? Where is he?  Who is he with? What is he doing?”
Tammy looked at her friend, lying there seemingly in one piece yet broken into many.

“Honestly Ronnie, I don’t even know what to say.  I’m so mad at that sorry, no good excuse for a man.  He has some nerve!”
I held up my hand as if to say enough.  “Don’t do that Tammy!”  I warned, with fresh tears flowing down my face.  “He is my husband, and I love him!”  I screamed. If our friendship had not been built on a solid foundation and if it had not had all of those years behind it, she probably would have left me too!  I was so ugly.

Tammy sat on the edge of my bed.  “Listen Ronnie.” She said, with true compassion.
“I’m sorry.  I know that you love Eric.”  Tammy pauses, carefully choosing her words.  She doesn’t want to inflict any further pain on her fragile friend.
“But Ronnie, this is not love!  I’m sorry, but you need to hear this.  He is sorry and he is just using you.”  Tammy grabbed my arms and pulled me to a sitting position.  “Ronnie you deserve better.”
I looked questioningly at her.  I didn’t believe her.  My eyes slowly scanned across the room, finally focusing when I spotted my image in the mirror.  My mouth dropped open as I stared at the stranger in the mirror.  Seeing myself for the first time in a week I was in shock and disbelief at the image staring back at me.  Who is this pitiful looking woman?  Her hair dirty and wild.  Deep bags and dark circles competed for first place
under my eyes.  Zeroing in on the sadness in those eyes, I crawled slowly to the edge of the bed.
“Ronnie, what’s wrong?”  Tammy asked nervously.
I jumped from the bed, as if hit with a bolt of lightening and quickly moved closer to the mirror.
“I know those eyes.”  I whispered, moving even closer to the mirror and pointing at my image in the mirror.  Tammy starts to feel even more nervous and begins to wonder if maybe I had really had a nervous breakdown.  “I know those eyes.” I repeated, this time more loudly, frantically shaking my head.  For the first time in a week I started to regain a hold of myself.  As I looked in that mirror, at those eyes staring back at me looking full of pain, my mind flashed back and I began to realize where I had seen those pain filled eyes before.  “Those are my mother’s eyes.”  I stated with quiet tears slowly rolled down my cheeks.
“ The eyes are the window to the soul.” I said to no one but me.  I reached out, I extended
my hand and I lovingly touched the reflection in the mirror.  I gently wiped the tears from my mother’s eyes, I mean from the reflection in the mirror.  No, I mean from my mother’s eyes. But this time she wasn’t crying tears for herself.  She was crying tears for me.
“Don’t worry Mama.” I said while still comforting the reflection.
“I’m o.k.”  I said with a tender smile on my face.

“ Alright! Alright!”  Tammy yelled as she started nervously pacing back and forth.                                            
“Girl you are starting to scare me now!”                
With one last look at the mirror I turned and walked over to my friend, my best friend and gave her a big hug.
“Thanks girl.”  I said, smiling my sweetest smile.  Before she could even respond, I turned and walked out of the room and headed to the shower.
“O.K. God.”  Tammy prayed.  “I don’t know what just happened, but I know you do.  Please let that girl be o.k. because you know I ain’t equipped for no psycho stuff.”

Thirty minutes later I emerged from the shower a new creature!
“Well look at you!”  Tammy said, with a sincere look of surprise mixed with relief.  

I sashayed into the kitchen where she had made a fresh pot of coffee, no doubt in anticipation of having to do night duty, a.k.a. suicide watch over me.

Tammy looked at Ronnie with amazement.  Ronnie’s hair and make-up is flawless and she is dressed in a black turtleneck, hip-hugger jeans and black leather stiletto boots.  Ronnie is a perfect size nine and beautiful, inside and out.  She could have any man she wanted, except for the one she wanted.  Tammy could not figure out why her friend dared to waist time on this one man.  That husband of hers needs to be hog tied and roasted as far as Tammy was concerned.  She’d kill him herself if she didn’t think that Ronnie would jump over into the coffin and go with him.

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Destructive Love..Silence Shouts Acceptance

I continued to Love in spite of being fully aware that this Love was an unhealthy, self-destructive Love. I continued to Love in spite of being lied to, heartbroken, abused, disrespected, and degraded. With every incident I progressed closer and closer to my emotional and spiritual Death. Closer to the death of who I was, what I wanted, what I needed, what I believed in and what I deserved. My silence shouted acceptance! With every heartbreak, my heart began to beat slower and slower. With every day of disrespect my breathing became more and more shallow. Then, all of sudden, though my situation, my environment had not changed, I began to change. The abuse, the neglect, the disappointment, the disrespect didn’t hurt as bad as before. I thought since I was no longer feeling the Pain that I was Healing. Not so! I was in Shock! Shock, to most non-medical people, usually means an emotional state of being traumatized. It is also described as being “something that jars the mind or emotions as if with a sudden unexpected blow.” It numbs us. I became numb. Numb to the lies. Numb to the obvious. Numb to the Pain. I mistook not feeling for total Healing. I was wrong. So even though I couldn’t or wouldn’t feel it, see it or recognize it for what it was, it was taking the very life out of me. I had allowed who I Loved or what I Loved to be an instrument, a weapon of mass destruction with my dreams, goals, aspirations and my spiritual purpose in the cross hairs.

There was but one antidote powerful enough to save me from this certain death and the only antidote for my Failure was to accept God’s plan for my life.

DOWNLOAD the Woman at the Well Ebook Now! You will Laugh, you will Cry & you will be Blessed!

TK Jordan - Author/Playwright "Woman at the Well - Get Past the Pain!" tkjordanproductions@gmail.com

When Loving You Is Killing Me!

“Girl you gotta pull yourself together!”  Tammy said as she snatched the cover off of me.  I had not gotten out of the bed since the night Eric left, which was seven days ago.  I had a nervous breakdown!  Well, I don’t know how nervous it was but trust me, I was BROKE DOWN!
“You need to get out of that bed!” She yelled again.  “Girl look at you, your hair is a mess, you ain’t brushed your teeth in a week and you look like you stank! She said shaking her head in disgust.  She’s always yelling, why she don’t just leave.  I thought to myself.  I snatched the cover back from Tammy and buried my head under the cover.  I began to cry.  Again, a deep cry, the kind that rattles your soul.
“I just can’t do this right now.”  I pleaded with my friend through sobs.  "Please go away!  I’m so hurt Tammy, I haven’t even heard from Eric.  How could he do this?  How could he just leave me? Where is he?  Who is he with? What is he doing?”
Tammy looked at her friend, lying there seemingly in one piece yet broken into many.
“Honestly Ronnie, I don’t even know what to say.  I’m so mad at that sorry, no good excuse for a man.  He has some nerve!”
I held up my hand as if to say enough.  “Don’t do that Tammy!”  I warned, with fresh tears flowing down my face.  “He is my husband, and I love him!”  I screamed. If our friendship had not been built on a solid foundation and if it had not had all of those years behind it, she probably would have left me too.  I was so ugly.

Tammy sat on the edge of my bed.  “Listen Ronnie.” She said, with true compassion.
“I’m sorry.  I know that you love Eric.”  Tammy pauses, carefully choosing her words.  She doesn’t want to inflict any further pain on her fragile friend.
“But Ronnie, this is not love!  I’m sorry, but you need to hear this.  He is sorry and he is just using you.”  Tammy grabbed my arms and pulled me to a sitting position.  “Ronnie you deserve better.”
I looked questioningly at her.  I didn’t believe her.  My eyes slowly scanned across the room, finally focusing when I spotted my image in the mirror.  My mouth dropped open as I stared at the stranger in the mirror.  Seeing myself for the first time in a week I was in shock and disbelief at the image staring back at me.  Who is this pitiful looking woman?  Her hair dirty and wild.  Deep bags and dark circles competed for first place
under my eyes.  Zeroing in on the sadness in those eyes, I crawled slowly to the edge of the bed.
“Ronnie, what’s wrong?”  Tammy asked nervously.
I jumped from the bed, as if hit with a bolt of lightening and quickly moved closer to the mirror.
“I know those eyes.”  I whispered, moving even closer to the mirror and pointing at my image in the mirror.  Tammy starts to feel even more nervous and begins to wonder if maybe I had really had a nervous breakdown.  “I know those eyes.” I repeated, this time more loudly, frantically shaking my head.  For the first time in a week I started to regain a hold of myself.  As I looked in that mirror, at those eyes staring back at me looking full of pain, my mind flashed back and I began to realize where I had seen those pain filled eyes before.  “Those are my mother’s eyes.”  I stated with quiet tears slowly rolled down my cheeks.
“The eyes are the window to the soul.” I said to no one but me.  I reached out, I extended
my hand and I lovingly touched the reflection in the mirror.  I gently wiped the tears from my mother’s eyes, I mean from the reflection in the mirror.  No, I mean from my mother’s eyes. But this time she wasn’t crying tears for herself.  She was crying tears for me.
“Don’t worry Mama.” I said while still comforting the reflection.
“I’m o.k.”  I said with a tender smile on my face.
“Alright! Alright!”  Tammy yelled as she started nervously pacing back and forth.                                            
“Girl you are starting to scare me now!”                
With one last look at the mirror I turned and walked over to my friend, my best friend and gave her a big hug.
“Thanks girl.”  I said, smiling my sweetest smile.  Before she could even respond, I turned and walked out of the room and headed to the shower.
“O.K. God.”  Tammy prayed.  “I don’t know what just happened, but I know you do.  Please let that girl be o.k. because you know I ain’t equipped for no psycho stuff.”
Thirty minutes later I emerged from the shower a new creature.
“Well look at you!”  Tammy said, with a sincere look of surprise mixed with relief.  I sashayed into the kitchen where she had made a fresh pot of coffee, no doubt in anticipation of having to do night duty, a.k.a. suicide watch over me.

Tammy looked at Ronnie with amazement.  Ronnie’s hair and make-up is flawless and she is dressed in a black turtleneck, hip-hugger jeans and black leather stiletto boots.  Ronnie is a perfect size nine and beautiful, inside and out.  She could have any man she wanted, except for the one she wanted.  Tammy could not figure out why her friend dared to waist time on this one man.  That husband of hers needs to be hog tied and roasted as far as Tammy was concerned.  She’d kill him herself if she didn’t think that Ronnie would jump over into the coffin and go with him.

TK Jordan - Author/Playwright
tkjordanproductions@gmail.com

Love? I Flipped That Switch Off Years Ago & It's So Dark In Here I'm Not Sure If I Can Find My Way To Switch It Back On

I'm just not willing to be in Love right now. I don't really like Love.  Well, actually, Love doesn't like me.  OK, Love Hates Me!  Love can be as awful a feeling as it is beautiful.  Where are the blue birds that are suppose to be singing and flying carelessly around my head? Love don't always feel good, and when it does I'm amazed at how fast 8 minutes can fly by. Love is a distraction that I can't afford right now. Seriously. Love throws me off my game. It's like an ulcer slowly growing bigger by the hour. It's a cancer that starts in your heart then quickly spreads throughout your body until even your fingernails ache with affection. Being a writer and a candidate for some over paid therapist's couch, it's never a good thing to have someone in my mind space. While washing my hair here he comes, while flipping through the channels on the TV here he comes, crossing my mind like a string of previews before the start of the main movie. Oh God, I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth just thinking about it!
No, I want to throw up but I can't because there is nothing in my stomach. I'm on a Love fast.  You know what that's like right? When you're so in Love that you can't even eat?  There is no appetite for food, just a steady consumption of thoughts, phone calls, and what if's. Who can eat after that? Eating requires thinking.  Your brain has to tell your mouth to chew and your esophagus to swallow. But not when you're in Love.  Your brain is otherwise preoccupied directing an orchestra of Love that is shooting off inside of you like fireworks on the fourth of July. The only person that you should ever devote that much time and attention to is Jesus Christ! 

Love is never satisfied. Never! Love always wants more than you intended to give. Love is all consuming. Love always takes over.  Love is a bully. It doesn't matter what space in your life you allot for it, it always wants more. Before you hang up the phone you ponder how long until the next call. Before he gets out of your driveway you wonder when he will be back. Nope, I don't like it!  

Love will make you write all of your stupid thoughts out in a word document like this one just so that they won't burst out of your chest. Love will make you not use periods at the end of your sentences because the flow doesn't stop in your head so why interrupt it on paper. I'm talking about the if I couldn't say a word I would just wave my hand type of Love, because you can't even explain why you feel this way.  I'm so not in Love right now! I'm. So. Not. In. Love. Love for me almost always ends bad. Really bad. I'm talking coming out of it needing therapy kind of bad!  Love is sneaky.  One day you can not even have established the fact that you even like the individual, then the next day you wake up in... I can't even say it because I'm. Not. In...  Anyway, Love hasn't lived here in a long time.  I don't even think I'm capable. Not for not being capable's sake, but because just like a light switch, I flipped that switch off years ago and it's been so dark in here that I'm not even sure that I can find my way to the switch to turn it back on. 

I need to be conditioned by God for Love.  What I now know is that without God there is no Real Love.  If I had let God teach me how to Love His way then maybe I wouldn't feel this way about Love. I wouldn't see Love as an unpleasant life altering event.  I only want to Love God's way. My way doesn't work and I know it. My way is painful. My way is maddening. My way is self-destructive.  My way is detrimental to my progress. I have to allow God to teach me how to Love according to His instructions in 1 Corinthians 13:4 - "vs.4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Wow, I can't find myself anywhere in that description of Love.  So what does that tell me?  It tells me that without God there can be no True Love, for God is Love.  I now know that I don't have to search in darkness for the switch to turn on Love again in my heart.  All I have to do is connect to the source because a switch is irrelevant without access to the source of Power.  God is that source and Jesus is the Light!  So what I need a light switch for?  I'm Just Saying...

How Can I Get Back Up Again If Their Foot Is On My Neck?

Yes I have scars from the sins of my past, but there is one thing I want to say,
Am I like the lepers to be placed outside, outside the Churches gates?

Yes I have sinned, yes I have weaknesses, and perfection I'm yet to know,
But God you said though my sins be as scarlet, you'll make me white as snow.

Though I try and try I must admit I fall short and some marks I do not meet,
They tell me I'm hopeless, they've invested too much time, I seem impossible to reach.
But God didn't you say to the shepherd to leave the 99 and go after the one lost sheep?

I may be only on level four when I should be on level 10,
But God didn't you say the race is not given to the swift, but to those who endure to the end?

God if I had been the drug addict, the prostitute or the woman at the well of this day,
Would you receive me with compassion and love, or would you cast me away?

Or what if I was brought before you to be stoned for the sins I committed today?
Would you extend your love and forgiveness to me, or would you cast me away?

When I lay my head down to sleep at night, these are the things I hear,
Why don't you just leave? You don't fit in, you are not welcome here.
There's no more we can do for you, you've made too many mistakes,
Why don't you do us all  a favor and please just go away.

So tell me God, what does that mean, what am I to believe?
Didn't you say in your Word that for every member there is a need?

In Ezekiel you spoke to your shepherds and this is what you had to say,
The weak you have not strengthened nor brought back what was driven away.

Come in, join us, you're welcome here, don't be so absurd,
But surely we all know that our actions speak louder than words.

You see what we say in words we often do not do,
Like when you said not to love in word or tongue, but in deed and in truth.

You said, "Who are you to judge?" That's what we should not do,
Yet here I sit judged before time, but who knows my ending Lord but you?

They see I've not been wise or noble, of course I have been weak,
The foolish things of this world seem to be the things that I seek.

With their eyes they have noticed all my flaws that they can see,
But somehow they are blinded to the fact that God can use me.

There's a lot I do not understand but one word I can trust,
When my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

We sway and sing the song "We Fall Down But We Get Up,"
That song gives us hope and strength, it reminds us of God's Love.

But God I have one question that is causing me much fret,
How can I get back up again if their foot is on my neck?

TK Jordan - Author/Playwright
tkjordanproductions@gmail.com
http://www.youtube.com/tkjordanproduction - Laugh & Live with Comedian Hattie Mae Jankins!
http://wellwoman-getpastthepain.blogspot.com/

You Don't HaveThe Power To Ruin My Day

The good thing about a storm is that it ALWAYS passes! Even if you have no strength to move forward and have no fight left in you, you can stand still and the storm will pass over you. Always. It always passes. Trust me. No, on second thought, don't trust me, trust God! That had absolutely nothing to do with my point for today, but hey, it's my blog and I can ramble if I want to. This morning when I rose, I didn't have no doubt that the Lord would take care of me, would provide for me and that He would lead and guide me through this day.  I showered, dressed and put my hair on. Yes, I said put my hair on! No shame here. I thank the Lord for weave! But I digress. I grabbed my cup of joy juice, which is my coffee, and headed to my home office. OK it's really a desk in the corner of my living room but I walk by Faith and not by sight!  Feeling inspired, I logged onto my laptop and proceeded to get down to work. Then I got a call from the devil a "Friend" that I never should have answered.  Little did I know that this would be no ordinary call. I should have never answered this call, because doing so shifted my focus. Focus is everything when you are a writer. Without focus and inspiration, I might as well crawl back into bed. It was immediately evident that this call wouldn't be anything like our usual how is your day going call.  This call had an assignment.  It seemed to want nothing more than to remind me that I don't work outside of the home and therefore my life is an insignificant waste of space.This call was from the Dream Killer, determined to shake my confidence, to make me doubt what God said He will do in my life and business. Never mind that I've been Blessed to run my own company, TK Jordan Productions, from home for the last few years. Never mind that God has Blessed me to raise my kids, never go hungry, never be without shelter or lights during these years, while affording me the opportunity to just do Ministry. Ministry? Yes Ministry! Come on now, somebody should be giving God a Praise! Never mind I'll do it!