Destructive Love..Silence Shouts Acceptance

I continued to Love in spite of being fully aware that this Love was an unhealthy, self-destructive Love. I continued to Love in spite of being lied to, heartbroken, abused, disrespected, and degraded. With every incident I progressed closer and closer to my emotional and spiritual Death. Closer to the death of who I was, what I wanted, what I needed, what I believed in and what I deserved. My silence shouted acceptance! With every heartbreak, my heart began to beat slower and slower. With every day of disrespect my breathing became more and more shallow. Then, all of sudden, though my situation, my environment had not changed, I began to change. The abuse, the neglect, the disappointment, the disrespect didn’t hurt as bad as before. I thought since I was no longer feeling the Pain that I was Healing. Not so! I was in Shock! Shock, to most non-medical people, usually means an emotional state of being traumatized. It is also described as being “something that jars the mind or emotions as if with a sudden unexpected blow.” It numbs us. I became numb. Numb to the lies. Numb to the obvious. Numb to the Pain. I mistook not feeling for total Healing. I was wrong. So even though I couldn’t or wouldn’t feel it, see it or recognize it for what it was, it was taking the very life out of me. I had allowed who I Loved or what I Loved to be an instrument, a weapon of mass destruction with my dreams, goals, aspirations and my spiritual purpose in the cross hairs.

There was but one antidote powerful enough to save me from this certain death and the only antidote for my Failure was to accept God’s plan for my life.

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TK Jordan - Author/Playwright "Woman at the Well - Get Past the Pain!" tkjordanproductions@gmail.com